Interdependence

"A healthy romantic relationship is based on interdependence.  Codependence and interdependence are two very different dynamics."

 "Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem.  Taking our self-definition and self-worth from outside or external sources is dysfunctional because it causes us to give power over how we feel about ourselves to people and forces which we cannot control."

"Interdependence is about making allies, forming partnerships.  It is about forming connections with other beings.  Interdependence means that we give someone else some power over our welfare and our feelings.  Anytime we care about somebody or something we give away some power over our feelings.  It is impossible to Love without giving away some power."

 "We will have feelings - we will get hurt, we will be scared, we will get angry - because those feelings are an unavoidable part of life. Feelings are a part of the human experience that we came here to learn about - they cannot be avoided."

 "Anyone who is unconscious to how the people and events of their past have shaped who they are today, is incapable of being present in the now and having a healthy relationship.   When we are reacting unconsciously to the emotional wounds and old tapes from our childhoods, we are being emotionally dishonest in the moment - we are mostly reacting to how we felt in a similar dynamic in the past, not clearly responding to what is happening in the present."

Building a solid foundation of interdependence (note: not independence which is just as unrealistic as codependency) is essential to a healthy mental state.  The first step is acknowledging when our mental scars are interfering with our current situation.  If I am unable to approach a situation with rationality and logic it is because I am following an old, flawed paradigm of behavior.  The answer, learn to live in the moment.

"We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present."

 "Mindfulness is at the root of Buddhism, Taoism, and many Native-American traditions, not to mention yoga. It's why Thoreau went to Walden Pond; it's what Emerson and Whitman wrote about in their essays and poems."

Six Steps to Mindfulness

1. To Improve Your Performance, Stop Thinking About It (Unselfconsciousness)
2. To Avoid Worrying About The Future, Focus On The Present (Savoring)
3. If You Want A Future With Your Significant Other, Inhabit The Present (Breathe)
4. To Make The Most Of Time, Lose Track Of It (Flow)
5. If Something Is Bothering You, Move Toward It (Acceptance)
6. Know That You Do Not Know (Engagement)